Osama Bin Laden

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That there was taken from the FBI's website. Osama Bin Laden. We hear a lot about him, but really, who is he. I suspect he's not the nicest guy you'll ever meet, in fact, my sympathies towards him are few. Just to clear something up, Osama Bin Laden is not in any way related to the lovely people at Osama Writing Instruments, in fact, the Osama I speak of is probably illiterate. I mean, didn't the Taliban writing and all forms of knowledge? Y'know what I'm sick of? This pathetic feeling in me that says, not all the Taliban are bad. Saying that they were only defending their homeland. If Osama did commit the atrocities of September 11, and they are aiding and abetting him, they're fucked. Sure, the USA isn't a great place, I mean, no where is perfect. They aid the Israelis who kill Palestinians, and they blow up red cross buidlings.. But one senseless death is one too many. If the Americans started this war, you are not going to stop it with more hatred and killing.

The Osama Bin Laden I'm talking about, is the one featured here. That's right, he could be a Terrorist. I've often thought about what him and his group are trying to achieve. I think I've figured it out. Actually, Scott Adams figured it out, but it's bloody brilliant, here's what he had to say.

My Patriotic Duty - By Scott Adams

I've been wondering about the best way to offer my patriotic services in this time of global conflict. I don't think I'd be a good candidate for Special Ops. I'd be the one with the wheeled carry-on bag saying, "Hey, guys, I have sand in my shoe! Is anyone else hungry? Can I use my flashlight now?"

I'm already donating money to patriotic causes, and I bought some plastic flags made in China, but I felt I needed to do more. Then it hit me. There is one patriotic duty for which I have prepared my entire life: dehumanizing the enemy. In a sense, that's been my full-time job for years. I just need to replace the word "management" with "Taliban." So let's get started.

I've been trying to figure out the Taliban's long-term strategy and I think I got it: They're trying to reverse evolution. Their uncontrolled body hair is a good start. Living in caves was an obvious step too.

The hard part was eliminating any trace of intelligence in the children. But they've made great strides in that area. Have you seen the video of the Taliban schools where the little kids squat on the floor and rock back and forth chanting all day? No math, no social studies, just rocking and chanting. For PE they use sticks to whack stuffed dummies labeled "Bush" and "Blair." I'm not sure how they know how to spell "Bush" and "Blair." On any given morning they're probably whacking dummies labeled "Tqwft" and "Upxpgt" but it's a good aerobic workout either way.

Just for fun, ask yourself what part of the Taliban curriculum could NOT be accomplished by, for example, a monkey: Rocking back and forth? Chanting? Beating a dummy with a stick? Even if a monkey only got a "D" in chanting, he would still graduate with honors from a Taliban school thanks to his high overall grades in rocking and whacking.

As I write this, our generals are trying to figure out how to get the Taliban out of their caves. They're running sophisticated war game scenarios and calculating risks and gathering intelligence. I have one word for them:

                       bananas

I don't want my patriotic words misconstrued as ethnic or religious insults. As soon as the evildoers stop doing evil, I am willing to promote them to full-fledged Induhviduals and insult them on equal footing with everyone else who doesn't read the Dilbert Newsletter.

Now that we've dehumanized the Taliban, let's get on to the important work of dehumanizing our bosses, cow-orkers and family members.

Scott Adams, you crack me up.

But enough Plagiarism.. .. okay, one last bit..

And now, onto the fun stuff. I don't know if any one else follows the English Premier League, but there's a guy who plays for Manchester United who, well, let's just say, looks a little suspicious.

Juan Veron - Soccer Star	Osama Bin Laden - Terrorist

Need I say more?  Hey, so I'm blind. but seriously, shave Osama's beard partially, and lose the turban, put on me 10kg, and with a little bit of plastic surgery, you have Veron!.. I should mention though, that Veron is probably a great bloke, and not a terrorist, unlike Osama Bin Laden.

Y-Asian

No-one is safe from my wrath.