Adren's Rants - Vertical Limit

  Today’s topic is something different. It’s a movie, or more specifically, Vertical Limit. To start off, I hated this show, so for those of you who liked it, you might get pissed at me for reading this…. I don’t really care.

   Now, to start bitching… I really hated this movie. It sucked ass so bad I fell asleep watching it. Yep, that bad. I suppose there was half a plot, but for some reason, I really hated it. There was no climax in this movie. In fact, it was an anti-fucking-climax. No, I didn’t stay on the edge of my seat like the trailers said I would. No, I didn’t wanna cover my eyes when the nitro blew up (well, I didn’t have to, I was fucking asleep.). No, I didn’t like this movie.

     Heres how the storyline goes… Theres a few people who are dumb, and wanna climb K2. I think mountains shouldn’t be climbed. Mountains should be skiied down, should be biked on, but they shouldn’t be climbed, not because I care for the people that lose their lives conquering the peaks, I couldn’t really give a shit, but just to do it? Hmm. If it was for fun, I mean, you like climbing mountains, hell yeah. But some jackasses climb up mountains “because its there”?… what a crock! This is my point of view, by the way, and well, im a real slacker. I don’t do much but bitch…

    So, unless its for a good cause (setting up cables for safe waterfall climbing, or setting up cables for gondalas, or setting up cables to bring in machinery to chop down trees and clear up a ski run, etc…), I say screw the mountains. Well, enough of mountains, todays bitch is Vertical Limit. Now, as I was saying, some dicks feel like climbing a mountain. They go up, and then they get caught in an avalanche or something. They get trapped in an underground cavern, and can’t get up. Base camp proposes they dig, but that would take too long and theyd freeze to death. So, some smartass decides to get a couple of cylinders of nitroglycerine, and blow the place up. Well, they’re all ‘newbies’, so they go search the help of some old hermit who lives in the mountain. He agrees. Anyway, they all go up the mountain in search for their friends and family, and they get into a little trouble.

   Currently, in the cavern is a girl, one of the main characters, and she is trying to save the life of her teammate or something. Now, they need oxygen to live, so they have 3 things. First, their waterbottles, until they run out of water, then their fuel cans (they burn the snow to make water), then finally, dextringes. They have four of these, and in the movie, theyre really important. They are high in oxygen content, yet they bring four… You see, if they brought ten, they wouldn’t be in this shit. But ten is too heavy or something, who knows. 

  When the rescue team reaches the peak, the girl and another guy left in the cavern takes some blood from the dead guys corpse and sprays it on the snow above.. or something. So, the rescue team sees the blood and they nitro a hole up. Now, another of the main characters, the girls brother, is part of the rescue team. By the way, the girl and her bro used to go rock climbing with their dad, when they forgot to get a safety cable on. So, one guy falls off, and the two of them are left. The cable thingie is loosening, so the dad gives them his last wish, and cuts the rope just above him and falls to the ground and dies. IMHO, that was the best part of the movie. So, the old hermit goes in, and the evil guy (the other guy stuck with the girl) jumps on the rope the second it gets in being selfish and all. The old guy kicks this evil guy off and the girl gets on… The girl gets hauled up, and they hug or something.. whatever. Anyways, now, the music starts getting really dramatic and shit. The old guy goes back in, but the evil guy is too heavy, so the girls brother starts sliding. The girl tries to help, but she sucks, and cant help cos shes sick. Luckily, they put a safety in the snow in case something like this happened. Unluckily, snow isnt very hard. So, the girl’s bro gets pulled in, and the three of them are dangling on the rope. Now, the music is really loud, and it’s a bit like when Russel Crowe unmasked himself in ‘Gladiator’. Everything goes slo-mo, and the hermit, having found the corpse of his wife earlier on in the show, pulls out a knife and cuts the line. You can hear the “nooooooooo!” of the remains of the rescue team in the background, and they all die.

   So, the girl and her brother are the only survivors, and they go home. Then, the last scene was a picture of a mound of metal engraved with peoples names who died on the mountain, and it zooms in on the name of the old hermit guy… whatever. I think that movie reeked so much ass that I had to open all the windows in my house… or, come to think of it, maybe it was my brother! Damn people fart around then don’t say anything…

 -AdReN

Y'Asian - Usually I edit these - Today I didn't - Lazy and Proud of it.