Close To Me

   I don't exactly know what I'm going to write about here. I was just listening to Close To Me by The Cure and thought it'd be a groovy title for an article. In fact now, I'm listening to Nine Days - Story of a Girl. I don't know why. I really don't like this song. It's a really baa song, it's so Bubblegum and, annoying. I don't want to make this into a crusade against certain types of music, or against in aid of struggling Aussie Rock Bands - and what the heck Kittens without homes.

    I've waited hours for this
    I've made myself so sick
    I wish I'd stayed asleep today
    I never thought that this day would end
    I never thought that tonight could ever be
    This close to me

            Just try to see in the dark
            Just try to make it work
            To feel the fear before you're here
            I make the shapes come much too close
            I pull my eyes out
            Hold my breath
            And wait until I shake

                    But if I had your faith
                    Then I could make it safe and clean
                    If only I was sure
                    That my head on the door was a dream

                            I've waited hours for this
                            I've made myself so sick
                            I wish I'd stayed asleep today
                            I never thought that this day would end
                            I never thought that tonight could ever be
                            This close to me

                                    But if I had your face
                                    I could make it safe and clean
                                    If only I was sure
                                    That my head on the door
                                    Was a dream

   I don't exactly know what Robert Smith is talking about here. I can't really be bothered to dissect the song This isn't an analysis of it, or praise for it, I was just listening to the song. It made me think. Not the whole thing, just one line in it. I wish I'd stayed - asleep today... it's the story of my life. Not really. But as I sit here at the computer, I'm filled with such apathy. I was talking to Ally about it today, we don't care enough, and if we do care, it's not a loving care. She was saying like, it's not that we don't care at all, but more, when we do care, it's always angry, and hateful, annoyed or agitated.

   That's not what I want to talk about either. I reckon there's something I really want to tell everyone in the world, but I'm too scared to open my mouth and speak. Which is what I was talking to Jimmy D about tonight. In a perfect society, we wouldn't have shame. It's such an unnecessary emotion. We could be naked in front of people and nobody would feel ashamed. We'd be completely open. Thinking about it though, what stops us from being open? Why do we care what people think about us? I don't really care that much what people I don't know think about me, but yeah, I think what my friends think about me is pretty important. Why do their opinions matter to me? or am I afraid of the repercussions. I mean, I guess people like me don't really help the situation. Maybe every time I make a joke about someone it subconsciously scars them, or am I giving myself too much credit. Is it a risk I can take though?

   I mean, as much as I know nobody cares what I think, and nobody respects my opinion (and with good reason), there's a little voice inside of me (I think she put it there) that tells me people can be affected by what others say to them, even if they know it's a joke. Almost as if there's a little voice inside of them that says to them people can be affected by what other say to them.. It's probably my fault though. Why are we all so insecure? It's this horrible loop isn't it. We're insecure, because we always pay each other out.. but we're only affected by the things other people say about us because we are insecure.

Mmm... Paradoxical..

So what is the remedy? Well, as qualified as I am to administer Social Medicine, and as equipped as I obviously am to handle such situations, it's not my place to order reform in society. I know where the change'll start, I think it's with me. It doesn't matter how insignificant I am, or how insignificant you are, the fact remains we are humans, and as such hold an amazing amount of power in our hands. People look at us, and, as simple as it sounds, the most inspiring thing in the world is the actions of another person. If you see someone do something, or something they have done, how often does it affect you in some profound way...

It's a few days after I started writing this. Last night I was meant to go to the movies with a few friends. Only it got cancelled. But I didn't think to call a few of the people who I'd told it was on. I figured they weren't going to turn up because I hadn't got conformation about it. So they rocked up, and essentially I stood them up. Now that's one of the most blatantly pitiful things I have ever done. It doesn't matter what remorse I feel, what I did, even if it is subconsciously is  going to play at their insecurities. Why? Because everyone in this world is so damn paranoid and freakin' insecure, that an honest mistake like that, will often be interpreted as something a lot worse.

                                    But if I had your face
                                    I could make it safe and clean
                                    If only I was sure
                                    That my head on the door
                                    Was a dream

What if we're living a dream now?

Sometimes I think we are. I know I'm living in a dream world.

Y-Asian--->Out

And Once Again, incompetence prevails.