Rants - Ebonics
The following was an article sent to me by a friend of mine, AdReN. He'll periodically send me things, and I'll post them up whenever I get around to it.

 Today, one of the problems I’m so sick of is Ebonics. “Watch your back, dawg, o I gonna bust a cap in yo ass!” or “Man I stick yo mom wit mah nine”… It’s seriously pissing me off. Lets take the first example. Watch your back? Wtf, how the hell am I supposed to do that? Well, yah I could set up some mirrors, but that’d just be gay. Dawg? WTF BITCH IM NOT YOUR DAMN DOG. Bust a cap in yo ass?  For Fuck’s Sake!. How gay can this get. No, that wouldn’t be fun, a hat in my ass. Now, the second example… I stick yo mom wit mah nine… You stick my mother? Ah man, that’d be pretty amazing, I don’t know yet of an adhesive that could stick a whole human. Your nine? Nine wood? Golf?!?! Yeah whatever.

 Can you see how gay it seriously gets? I mean, I don’t mind stuff like normal shit, like yo dude, etc… whatever. Ye know what I mean? Its getting really lame. The children of today are growing up with this shit. When I visited America, I saw some weird shit. Teenagers were hanging around with their balls out of their pants. Their pants were fucking hanging on their knees. Wtf, just don’t wear ‘em, fag! I know some of you might say I’m a gay pansy or something, but for you… screw off, I don’t give a fuck. Yep, if today’s generation is gonna turn into a bunch of faggots with their balls hanging all over the damn place, I guess there’s no more hope. I’m not gonna hang around with fags like that, might as well be in the Backstreet Boys, yup? It’s stupid and retarded. Lets take more examples. I’m not trying to be racist, there are some respectable African Americans, but it has gone too far. They’re influencing the world with their shit, and its hitting the fan.

 Well, there are some pros… I suppose it reduces racial tension in schools, since white and Hispanic kids are also using this black talk. But other than that, I can’t see anything that this stuff is useful for. They’re fucking screwing the English language. Ah well.

 You want more? I give more. About Ebonics

Ebonics is a dialect of the English language, or so they like to believe… I personally think someone just screwed it over. It was recently adapted by Americans of African descent.

Speaking - Speed:

Ebonics is often spoken at a speed unintelligible to the untrained ear. Ebonics speakers have been known to speak a whole page of text in under 15 seconds. That would be if they could read.

Speaking - Sound:

Ebonics is always spoken in a higher than normal nasal sound. To replicate the sound of Ebonics, pinch your nose, talk in a high voice and say this sentence extremely fast "yo fewl, mez fixin to go gangsta Tyrone's crib." It may take practice but soon you'll be speaking like a Compton local.

Words:

It seems that Ebonics has incorporated about half a dictionary full of new words, here are a few commonly used ones: Fewl (fool), fixin (getting ready to), crib (house), gat (gun), hood (neighborhood), regulate (our guess is: to kick ass on), homey (friend), nigga (any other member of the black race), ride (car), base head (pot-head), props (to give congratulations to).

English:

In Ebonics English is often used in parts of Ebonics where verbs are almost always mis-conjugated, e.g.: He bez goin to da stow. Where "bez" is the verb which I assume is a derivative of the English verb "to be" although in this sentence "to be" should have been conjugated as: "is." The sentence should have looked like this: He is going to the store.

English words often mutilated by Ebonics:

Sho (sure), fo (for), da (the), stow (store), eyez (I am).

Conclusion:

I have come to the conclusion that some homeys can speak English, they just choose not to do so. The language was clearly derived by a gang of idiots who obviously had never seen the inside of a school. Although with more than 1 or 2 proper English classes even a chimp could change over from Ebonics to a real language such as English. Well, I guess there’s only one way to put Ebonics. “WTF?”